No Restraints

I couldn't sleep last night so I pulled out my Bible hoping I could find something inspirational. Hmmm It sounds silly, because the whole book is pretty inspirational. Anyway, it turns out I came across 1 John 4:17-21.  I read in the message version because I can relate to it so much more. The part that struck me says,

"There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life, - fear of death, fear of judgment - is one not yet fully formed in love." 

Wow! I can completely relate to that! I fear a lot of things. My last blog was about fear. It's scary to think that my fear is keeping me from loving fully. The other part that got me was,

"If [I] won't love the person [I] can see, how can [I] love the God [I] can't see?" 

That's really profound to me. If I can't love the people I am with, how can I fully love God? God says to do both. And Man, that's hard sometimes. I want to love unconditionally, and without restraints.

Then today, I struggled with the question how? God tells me to love everybody. So what happens when I don't know how to love someone? What happens when I don't know what a person needs? How can I know how to love them fully, without restraint? I can love them how I feel like they might need it. But what if that's not how they need love? What if that's not enough?

Hmmm, I guess all of these questions come from fear. I'm afraid of not doing enough. Not being enough. Not showing love enough.

God, help me to love... without restraints... without fear.

Fear

Fear... it gets to me.
The fear of failure. The fear of loosing someone. The fear of rejection.
Sometimes I wish I could just slap myself and say, "Come on Lisa, suck it up!"
The problem with fear is that it keeps me from living life to the fullest. I holds me back. It's like a chain forcing me to stay in one area of my prison cell.
I try and let go of the fear. I try and talk myself out of it. But like a lot of things, I can't do it alone. I need help. It's hard for me to admit I need help. But I'm learning.
I just need to trust that God knows what's going to happen. And He'll help me through anything.
It's fear that keeps life interesting. It's fear that gives the edge to adventure. It's fear that helps me to refocus on the One that has my life in His hands.
Fear... it gets to me.

Hope and Love

It was a still and quiet morning when I packed up my last things and hauled them down the stairs. I had said goodnight to the kids one last time the night before and it was hard. The kids kept asking me, “Why do you have to go?” “Please... Don’t go” “You stay please”. With a pleading looks on their faces I just couldn’t do anything but ache. I wish I could tell them why I have to go and tell them how much I love them. This morning a few of the caregivers and teachers came to send us off. And some of the older kids woke up to the sound of the car starting. I sat with Danny in my lap until it was time to go and then hugged my friends goodbye with tear filled eyes. It was tough to look at all the kids faces. They just had so many questions in their eyes. And I just couldn’t keep the tears back when I saw them. I ruffled the hair of the boys and blew kisses to everyone there. Timothy, a 5 year old boy, called out to me right before we left and said, “Lisa, you Sunday come?” Oh, my heart hurt when I heard those words. I wish he knew how much I would love to come on Sunday. As soon as the car pulled out of the gate, I broke down. I couldn’t hold back the wave of tears. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. 

As I sat on the runway, thoughts just flooded my mind. The joys, pains, crying and laughter all rushed over me. As the plane took off down the runway I just couldn’t keep it down. I felt like a wave had rose up inside of me. A wave of feelings and memories. The wave just had to break through. I began to cry once again as the wheels lifted off of the ground I have called my home for the past 6 months. I blew a kiss out the window and talked to God about the past months. He gave me peace and put a thought in my head. If these kids can love me this much when I’ve only been their for a few short months. How much more does God love me? It’s hard to comprehend. I just hope I showed the kids how huge His love for each of them is. 

Aching Hearts

I just couldn’t keep it in. So, I cried as our van pulled out of the village school. Looking back at the crowd of parents, guardians or family of the new babies we had in our van, I could just see the painful tears coming from their eyes. Words cannot describe how much agony I saw in those faces. And I let my tears fall as well. The five girls stared out the window and wailed as they watched their familiar home slowly faded into the distance. 

The smallest girl is two months. Her mother died just 25 days after her birth and her father, a farmer, just couldn’t take care of her and work as well. We discovered this poor girl has pneumonia. She might have died if we hadn’t come to get her. We brought two girls about one and a half, back with us. The first one was being cared for by her mother. Her father became mentally ill after seeing his dad murdered in front of his eyes. So the mom couldn’t take care of all three of her daughters alone. The other girl that is the same age is the one I got to hold for some of the trip. Her and her sister came from a very poor family that had built their home on the side of the road because they had no property. They had three older sisters who went to live with their grandparents and these two girls came to us. The oldest girl we brought back is probably three and a half. Her dad picked up and left after she was born and then a year or so later her mom did the same thing leaving this girl to live with her grandpa. But he just couldn’t take care of her anymore. And this is how all five of these beautiful girls came to be with us. I’m sure they are overwhelmed with all these changes right now but I know that God brought them to BanglaHope for a reason. It’s hard for me to imagine what a parent must go through giving up their children. It must be an awful experience. These girls will cry a bit in the next few days, and the parents will feel pain as well. I just hope they can feel at peace with probably the hardest decision they had to make. 

This is Kylee.

Poka-Dotted Feet

Success! Another group of kids made it to Hili and back with a new pair of shoes, clothes, and ice cream. We have managed to take about 70 kids to town in groups of 6 to 8. As we head back from the fastest trip yet, I look down into the rice paddies submerged in water. The new rice grass is a beautiful, healthy green and only 7 - 9 inches tall. As it grows through the smooth, mirror-like water it seems that everything around is being reflected. I look past the green sprouts into the water and see the sun surrounded by big billowing clouds ready to close in on the shinning sphere. Its a magical scene. The once dry, barren ground just a few weeks prior is now covered in beautiful images of the sky. All I can hear is the excited chatter of the boys pointing out the new things that catch their eyes and the loud put, put, put of our wagon. It was a successful day in more than just one way. The boys held on tight to their bags with brand new shoes in them. And I held on to my bag with a new pair of shoes as well. This may seem like a minor accomplishment. But, I’m quite excited. You see, here in Bangladesh, women don’t have the same size foot as I do. Just last week we took a trip into Dhaka to spend a few days getting some supplies with the Waids. Mrs. Waid wanted us to have a chance to get a few keep-sakes before we headed home. So, as Mrs. Waid shopped for a pair of shoes for her daughter, I browsed around as well hoping I could find a pair for such a good price. ($2) We went into many stores and in each one, I came out of with no shoes but a new story that just made me laugh. In one place, the seller came up to me holding a big men’s dress shoe. He had this smirk on his face and I could tell he was offering this shoe to me cause my feet appeared way to big for any of the women’s shoes. I just laughed and went on to the next place. I quickly scanned the shoes trying to find one that might be able to match with my wide feet. I found one and asked if they had a big size and the man quickly sent a worker to look in their storage. He came back a few minuets later and pulled out the biggest size they carried. The seller carefully helped me put my foot in the shoe, as they love to do. My foot actually went all the way in, which didn’t happen very often. But, my toes stuck out over the front and my heel didn’t quite stay inside the back edge of the flip flops. He, however, thought differently. With a smile on his face he put his right had on my toes and his left on my heel and pushed towards each other till the shoe looked like a good match for my foot. He said with excitement, “Yes yes! Very good! It fits!!” I had to just laugh and tell him I wouldn’t be needing that pair of shoes. 

So now today, I’m holding a new, Bangladesh pair of flip flops. They fit just perfectly and I only paid about $2 for them. They have nice little poka-dots on them and you might not be able to tell that they are..... men’s flip flops. =)

A Lion in the Tunnel

It starts quiet. Then grows louder and louder as the minuets pass. A slow rumble. Then a loud explosion reverberates through the whole sky. Another burst answers the first and the conversation continues. I’d love to go up on the roof right now. It’s so tempting. But we’re by far the tallest building around and I’m not quite sure if they have a lightning rod. So, I decided to enjoy it at my window. I feel like I have a huge strobe light all around me. It’s constant lightning. When I see the lightning bolts, they seem to linger in the sky for a few seconds. After they burst, the remains look like embers glowing in a fire. The small glowing spots disappear as they fall out of the sky. The thunder soon follows. It sounds like a huge lion roaring in a tunnel. It echos through the sky and I feel it rumbling in my chest. What a fantastic storm. The lightning continues to flash, and then the rain starts to pick up. I hear the wind growing loader and loader as it howls trying to get through my windows. The rain comes with it. All of a sudden rain starts hammering my windows. Some manages to sneak through the cracks. My view becomes blurred as water pours onto the glass. With the rain comes a wonderful fresh smell. The dirt is being washed away and the scent comes sweetly into my room. The rain only lasts for a few minuets but then the wind grows stronger. Screaming at me to let it inside. I LOVE THIS!!!. Our door doesn’t have a latch on it so we have to shut it with a table up against it to keep it from opening. But this wind forces the door open making the table squeak across the floor. I go to shut the door and lean my whole body weight up against the door. And guess what!? The wind still pushes the door open!!! This is incredible. Can I just say I love storms. Well, maybe that’s an understatement! The wind lasts a while. But too soon after it starts, it begins to die down. The lightning goes away and the thunder follows close behind. The rain stops giving the plants a much needed shower, and the wind slinks away into the night. 

What a storm! Just like the rain making the earth fresh and clean, my soul has been renewed and my joy is heaping! Thanks for the epic reminders of your love, God! My heart overflows.

Slop, Splatter, Speckle

Splat! A glob of cold, yellow, and gooey turmeric gets smeared all over my cheek. I’m at, what they call, a turmeric party. It’s the custom here to have one for a couple that is getting married. Let me share how this glob of goop got stuck on my face. The turmeric party is for the families and friends of the bride and groom to give their blessing as they’re leaving their villages. So, typically, they don’t smile. (and even through the wedding they don’t really smile either.) Anyways, they decorated a booth made out of bamboo with bright orange and yellow colors. All the women wear bright orange and yellow saris too. Then, the women start the program by grabbing some big metal water jars and filling them up. But they walk all around with these jugs. When they come back they all gather around and pound a big nut like thing and break it into pieces. Only the girls get to eat this. Apparently if you eat it, you will get married soon. Huh. After that, they start crushing the turmeric and other spices until it becomes a paste which they put on a banana leaf as seen in this picture. 

 Then the bride and groom come in. But, they don’t walk in, they get carried in by a friend or relative. They get seated inside the booth and the party officially begins. A special dance and then a prayer were at the beginning. Then the smearing starts. First the mothers and immediate family members go up to the bride and groom and smear smooshed spices all over. Some people get braver than others as to wear they put the spices. 

Once you have taken a turn at putting spices on them you still have some in your hand so what are you gonna do with it? Well, that’s how people get yellow glop on their cheeks, arms and necks. The ones that want to get involved sneak up on people and smoosh it all over. It’s a lot of fun! If you know me well, you would know that I love to get messy and this would classify. I loved it. =) My face didn’t get covered as much as most people. I blame it on my height. I caught a few people even jumping to get to my cheeks. hehe. It was definitely a fun and memorable evening. 

Now, today was the wedding. They had it much like a US wedding. Mrs. Waid coordinated it and she let the bride wear her wedding dress. It must be super special for her because this is the fourth wedding her dress has been worn in. She is like a mother to so many over here. (They all call the Waids “Mom and Dad”.) 

The wedding was quite short and simple (they only chose the date two weeks ago) so not much time to get super elaborate. It was a nice wedding though. A few hours after it was done, they had the reception. Rice and curry was served and wow, was it tasty. =) 

These are their reception clothes.

Well, that’s how it all happened. There’s still a bit of yellow stains on my finger nails. 

WOAH! We just had an earthquake! It was small don’t worry! But it happened!

Anyways, I love you all and miss ya!

Joy

It’s Friday night, I’m sitting in vespers with kids cuddled in my lap and snuggled all around me. The song service starts and they sing some of their favorites. As they continue to sing their energy grows. I love to listen to them sing. Their powerful voices carry the melody so loudly and in keys that are way higher than what their voice ranges are. This makes it difficult to sing along, but it makes a smile grow on my face. The kids sing with their mouths open as wide as they can possibly get them and their faces have a look of sincerity and intensity. One of the boys sometimes crosses his eyes and tilts his head back and forth, singing with gusto. It’s the cutest thing. When the electricity shut off and the room went completely dark, the voices sounded even louder! They truly sing their hearts out, and my heart is overflowing. 

                 Happy Sabbath!

A Trip to Nepal!

Spontaneity.  Something I love. And this past trip had a lot of spontaneity in it. I had the most amazing 8 days in Nepal. About four days before we left I bought the tickets. It was a spur of the moment trip. I have always wanted to see the Himalaya Mountains especially Mt. Everest. One of my friends from Walla Walla, Jenny Sloop, is an SM at a hospital over there and she invited us to stay with her. It was so wonderful to hang out and have someone that knew the culture and some of the language. Since so many things happened that trip I’ll just give you the highlights of the trip. Sorry, I keep doing this bullet format. ;)

First of all, a few things I noticed about the country. It was wonderful to see Nepal. The country is a lot cleaner than Bangladesh and the people are so friendly! Since it’s such a touristy country, a lot of the people know English so it wasn’t hard to get help if we needed. The people are beautiful! And they carry such heavy loads on their backs but it’s supported by a band that comes to their forehead. I was amazed at the strength of there necks and backs.

Everything is so hilly there so they plant their gardens on terraces. All the hills around have homes just kickin it on the side. It’s so pretty though! Ok now for the adventure.


Day 1

• Flew in and saw a decent view of the mountains. (it’s really smoggy this time of year so it was a little hazy but the mountains were still amazing)
• Meet up with Jenny and took the 1 hour bus ride back to Bonepa where the hospital is. 
• Played soccer with some of the 12-15 year old boys that she’s friends with. (they are hilarious)
• Ate a wonderful home cooked meal at Jenny’s great Aunts house. She made cinnamon rolls. Yumm!

Day 2

• Looked in our guide book to figure out what we’d accomplish in the next few days
• Decided to spend the night in Katmandu and take an early bus to Pokarah the next morning
• Ate dinner at the really awesome restaurant. They had black lights all over and their paintings and decorations were all florescent so they glowed with the lights. We sat cross legged on the floor with the low tables and I ate fabulous pumpkin soup and mint lemonade. 
• Then stayed in a hostels attic it seemed. It was the only room on the last level that had creaky stairs that led up to the door. It was actually really nice for only 5 dollars. 

Day 3

• Took a canoe ride across the lake and hiked up a hill that had a Buddhist temple on top and watched the sun set over the Himalayas. When we got back to the canoe our “guide” had decided to go home so he just left us one paddle and one life jacket. It took us awhile and we didn’t have the most straight path back but we had a lot of fun on the way. 

Day 4

• Got up at 4:45am to hike up a hill to see the sunrise. It was a steep climb but totally worth it. The sun kissed the top of the Anaporna range with a bright orange glow. And it slowly snuck it’s way down to the foothills. Absolutely beautiful!

• Ate breakfast with water buffalo grazing about a foot away from our table
• Took a paddleboat out on the lake for a few hours. We watched the many paraglider soar and then land on the lakeshore. 
• Had a banana smoothie for dinner. 

Day 5

• Got the last seats on the bus to Chitwan. These “seats” were a bench right behind the drivers seat and facing the first row of real seats. It was about a 5 hour, windy drive to Chitwan but really pretty. The country side changed from mountainous to more flat and jungle like. 
• Got to Chitwan and found out our “cottage” wasn’t much to write home about. It had stains on the floor and a pretty dirty bathroom. But it was cheep, a place to stay, and a memory. 
• Then we spent the next few hours trying to figure out what we should do the next day and how we could get the best deal. We were so tired of hearing everyones speech about why their tour is the best. We were drained so we went to have dinner at a garden restaurant.
• We rented bikes for about 30 cents/hour and went to see the Elephant breeding center which turned out to be so depressing. The elephants were chained to stakes in the ground and their front feet were chained together so they couldn’t even walk around. And the baby’s were chained so they couldn’t get close to their mom. It made me so sad. 
• Got up early to catch the bus to Pokarah. When we got there, a swarm of taxi drivers come and try and get us to go in their taxi. Then once we choose a taxi, a hotel rep comes with us to try and get us to go to their hotel. We ended up not going to the place we had chosen before and went to the hotel they were selling us. It was such a good idea on our part. They gave us a super good deal for our really nice room (another $5/night room) that could have easily sold for $30/person. The hotel workers were so helpful to us and tried to get us good discounts on all the things we wanted to do.

Day 6

• Went on a Jungle Safari. But the cool thing about it was that it was on the back of an elephant! Yup! It was quite exciting. I saw a rhino and her baby, some monkeys, deer, and wild pigs. The trails were small so the branches would rub up against my shins. But, I felt what it must be like to be an animal crawling through bushes trying to find their dinner. 

• In the afternoon we took a “jeep” safari to see if we could see some tigers. No luck. But the ride was very entertaining with the two little boys and their dad from England. We did see some more monkeys and a crocodile as well as a Tiger and her cubs footprints, but that’s the closest we got. 
• Sat at a restaurant with a fire to warm up from the very cold jeep trip. 

Day 7

• Got a stomach bug and was sick all day...
• But we went back to Banepa on the buses. (it took until that night to get back)

Day 8

• Had a day at Jenny’s house playing Dutch Blitz, Uno and other games with the younger boys that live there. It was so fun to have a relaxing, chill day just to hang out. 

Day 9

• Ate at a fantastic Mexican restaurant in Katmandu before heading to the airport. 
• Flew back with a wonderful view of the mountains as the sun cast a glow on the whole range. 
• Most importantly I had a wonderful view of Mt. Everest! =) yay! 

The trip was so great! And we did it all for less than 20 dollars a day for food, lodging, traveling, and the touristy tours! This blog has gotten a lot longer than I expected. But I hope it gave you an idea of the adventure that I went on. 
Happy New Year to you! I miss you all!