Role Models

"I eat my peas with honey;

I've done it all my life.

It makes the peas taste funny,

But it keeps them on the knife."

I learned this poem from one of the dearest people I know as we sat around the dinner table this evening. This is the kind of enjoyment they share when I'm with them.  A couple who we have to our house every time I'm home. They show as much love to each other as they show to the ones around them. I always feel warm when I'm with them. 

They are some of the funniest people I know as well. I wish I could remember all the things they say, it just fills my heart to the brim. 

Knowing the Vendens has given me a true example of what I want to be like someday. Someone who loves others, loves their spouse, makes people laugh, and when they talk about Jesus, you can see excitement all over. I wish you all could meet them. Maybe someday you will. ;) 

I was sitting next to her with a fuzzy blanket over our laps as she wrote a short Christmas card to my parents. I could tell she was pondering what to say to finish it. She looked up at me with a sparkle in her eye and said, "I think I'll sign it 'me and him'. They won't get us mixed up." She winked and signed the card with gusto. 

A Letter to a Disagreeing Church

Religion class got me thinking today. It was question and answer time for the whole two hour class period and the teacher was being asked some pretty tough questions about Adventism. Almost all were directed at doctrines, structure or beliefs. That's a tough spot to be in; answering questions representing the whole of a religion. I started thinking... Why is it so important that we focus on a religions belief system?

Not once, did a question come up about how we as Adventists live out our beliefs. For example, loving people and being "the light of the world". I recognize that beliefs are the foundation, they represent where we are coming from and I love discussing ideas from a variety of backgrounds. But I feel like we are missing the biggest key ingredient. Jesus! I think we spend to much time disagreeing with each other and trying to say who's right and who's wrong; whether woman should be ordained, if this world was created in 7 days, one day, or billions of years, or even which day of the week is the "true" sabbath.

I think that one of the reasons young people are leaving the church is because we spend a huge amount of energy on doctrines and duties. This is what's being portrayed to the people around us. This will never give a valid representation of a group because we will never agree 100% with one another. Instead, it creates tension, bickering and judgment. Everyone will live and describe their religion in a certain way, To judge the religion as a whole, by how the individual acts and lives alone, will get us into trouble. The truth is, we are all broken. We can't give a perfect representation of our belief system because... we mess up. As a human, we look for the "right" religion or ideas. (because why would we want to be wrong?). So how do we make sense of all this mess? This is where God comes into the story. 

God works in our brokenness. He made us from dirt! Dirt isn't flattering. He could have made us from rainbows, moss, or flowers but, he wanted to make a point. God can make beauty from something as mundane as dirt. 

I believe God works through people and I believe he works through many different religions. Trying to prove one is right and another is wrong ignores the example that Jesus set when he lived on earth. His mission was to love. And not to love just the people that followed him and believed what he was saying, but also to the people who hated him, argued with him, and talked poorly against him. 

May we stop becoming worked up about what each other believes, but start embracing the beauty in differences. May we start living and being the love of God that this broken world so desperately needs.

Value

The notification indicates a pending friend request, an event to accept or deny, a friend seeing how my classes are going. I pretend not to see them.
A friend asks if I want to make lunch with them on the weekend. It's monday, so I say, "I'm not sure yet what my plans are. I'll let you know." I want to "leave my options open".
In a world where technology is so advanced, and the ways of communicating with one another are so vast, it's easy to wait till the last second to make plans.

I love being spontaneous and waiting till the last moment, until I have all my options in front of me and then I choose what the best option is. Until recently, I thought it was a brilliant way to live. I was able to do exactly what I wanted. This was perfect because I hate going back on my word. For example if I tell someone I will join them for dinner and then something comes up, my greatest regret is having to tell them I am not able to make it anymore. So, in this way, I can make sure I keep my word.

However, over the last few days I have been thinking of value; how I feel valued and the way in which I make others feel valued.
My decisions, whether I want it or not, affect other people. I realized that my decisions of waiting till the moment, may cause someone to not feel valued. Let's go back to my friend inviting me to dinner. If I tell her that I don't know what I'll be doing yet, that first of all tells her I don't have plans set in stone. Second of all, it admits that I believe there may be something "better, or more fun" that might come up and in that case, I wouldn't eat dinner with her.
This realization puts me in a bind. It makes me ask the question, "Do I value my relationships enough that I would put them on hold just in case something else comes up that sounds more appealing to me?" That just makes it all about me. Selfish. It disregards that my friend may be planning to make the food and spend a long time preparing it to make it special. Instead, it places all the decision on where I will have the most enjoyable time.
If I am invited and say, "Yes! That is so sweet of you to invite me to dinner. I would love to hang out with you." That is telling her, 'You know, even if something that may be more adventurous, or something I've longed to do for awhile comes up, I am still choosing to spend the time with you, because I value you.'

With all these thoughts, I am going to strive to make sure I am not choosing my plans based on what I think will be the most enjoyable for me, but rather, what will make others feel valued. I don't want to be someone putting invitations off to wait for the best. The best, may be spending time with them and making them feel special.

Art

Art is not what you see, but what you help others to see.” - Edgar Degas.

A splash of green, a burst of yellow, a hint of brown. The painter is making the emptiness come to life. 
The melodious sound of a viola, the rich tones of an oboe, the brass joins the party. Musicians are creating emotions.
A squeeze of bleach, a squirt of windex, a swipe of a sponge. The Janitor turns a mess into beauty.
Voices of happy children, math lesson taught with victory, the red ink corrects. A teacher awakens the mind. 

We all play a part in creating something from what we’ve been given. It is our choice to make it beautiful. God, the artist, has created us to “bring out the God-colors in the world” (Matt. 5:14). As humans, no matter what we do in life, we carry the image of God. 

I saw an elderly man on his walk this morning, he struggled to get his foot up to the curb trying to bring it closer so he could bend down and tie his shoe. A runner on her morning jaunt paused and asked if she could lend a hand. She was bearing the image of God. 
A woman with hands more than full makes her way to the parking lot fiddling to find her keys. Her daughter is ready for a nap and not being compliant. One of the bags gives out and produce, cans and napkins fall to the unforgiving asphalt. A teenager clearly in a hurry, pauses and rushes over to help pick up the mess. He was bearing the image of God. 

Moments. That is all it takes, is a moment, to express the creative design of God. The challenge is that we are broken. We are cracked. But that’s what God uses best. He uses weak. He uses broken-hearted. He uses us. With Him, we can create art. We can create a masterpiece. We can help others see His beauty, His love.

Seeing, Being

Thoughts swirling through my head,
To do lists, homework, and errands.
Everything about me.

Traveling down my road
Another passed on by. 
I didn’t see them go. 

...

Pushing aside my future plans
Now wanting to be all here. 
Look a fellow traveler in the eye.

Glancing up to look at me
But then just going by.
A smile not received.

Passing yet another,
Smiles with the heart.

A moment, just a moment
Together traveling on. 

Waiting

        I was in a half-awake state when a loud knock came at the door with the doorbell ringing quickly after. As I glanced at the clock reading 7:30, I could feel the urgency of the visitor. Macca went to the door and I could hear form the other room the heart wrenching sounds of someone in grief. The words, “The baby, baby Kenzie, she... dead this morning.” was enough to make me wish this was all just  a nightmare. The sobs from the door soon faded down the stairs and a deafening silence filled the space. 

        Macca had gone with Mrs. Waid to get baby Kenzie and bring her to a home that would teach her of Jesus, care for her, and surround her with arms of love. They named her after Macca. And now... This...

I went to the front room were Macca sat trying to process the words that were said just moments before. All I could do was sit close and ache for her, the caregivers, and staff. 

What can you do when something so devastating happens? When life takes its toll too soon on a precious baby? What can you say to those who have been left with just a memory and no answers?

That morning, the caregivers eyes were filled with questions and sorrow, instead of the usual sparkle. As I went back up to the room, I met the director who had just returned from taking baby Kenzie to the hospital. With tears in her eyes she said just one word as I embraced her. One word, that was all there was left in this heartbroken woman. One word, that summed up so much emotion, way to much emotion for one morning.       “Sad”.      Her eyes said it as well.       Sad. 

Goodbyes are hard, even more so when they are unexpected. I sit on a plane waiting to touch down in a familiar place that I call my temporary home. I think about how 'goodbyes' and waiting seem to go together. I think about how thankful I am that we are given the gift of hope and faith. Hope that we will see them again; the ones we've said goodbye to, when He returns. All we can do is wait. 

         But, is waiting the only thing we are meant to do? We wait for so many things: for test results, an exciting vacation, more time with family, graduations, seeing friends, creating a family, and for the day when God takes us home. But while we wait, we have been given a special job. We have been given the honor of sharing God’s love with those around us. We can share a smile, we can give comfort and hope to the grieving, we can be an encourager and a listener. 

        

          Waiting is hard unless we put our eyes on the present moment God has given us. The moment that we can make better when we let Him work through us. And, when we wait with God, He gives us strength to soar, strength to continue on the path He has purposefully place us on. 

No Restraints

I couldn't sleep last night so I pulled out my Bible hoping I could find something inspirational. Hmmm It sounds silly, because the whole book is pretty inspirational. Anyway, it turns out I came across 1 John 4:17-21.  I read in the message version because I can relate to it so much more. The part that struck me says,

"There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life, - fear of death, fear of judgment - is one not yet fully formed in love." 

Wow! I can completely relate to that! I fear a lot of things. My last blog was about fear. It's scary to think that my fear is keeping me from loving fully. The other part that got me was,

"If [I] won't love the person [I] can see, how can [I] love the God [I] can't see?" 

That's really profound to me. If I can't love the people I am with, how can I fully love God? God says to do both. And Man, that's hard sometimes. I want to love unconditionally, and without restraints.

Then today, I struggled with the question how? God tells me to love everybody. So what happens when I don't know how to love someone? What happens when I don't know what a person needs? How can I know how to love them fully, without restraint? I can love them how I feel like they might need it. But what if that's not how they need love? What if that's not enough?

Hmmm, I guess all of these questions come from fear. I'm afraid of not doing enough. Not being enough. Not showing love enough.

God, help me to love... without restraints... without fear.

Fear

Fear... it gets to me.
The fear of failure. The fear of loosing someone. The fear of rejection.
Sometimes I wish I could just slap myself and say, "Come on Lisa, suck it up!"
The problem with fear is that it keeps me from living life to the fullest. I holds me back. It's like a chain forcing me to stay in one area of my prison cell.
I try and let go of the fear. I try and talk myself out of it. But like a lot of things, I can't do it alone. I need help. It's hard for me to admit I need help. But I'm learning.
I just need to trust that God knows what's going to happen. And He'll help me through anything.
It's fear that keeps life interesting. It's fear that gives the edge to adventure. It's fear that helps me to refocus on the One that has my life in His hands.
Fear... it gets to me.

Hope and Love

It was a still and quiet morning when I packed up my last things and hauled them down the stairs. I had said goodnight to the kids one last time the night before and it was hard. The kids kept asking me, “Why do you have to go?” “Please... Don’t go” “You stay please”. With a pleading looks on their faces I just couldn’t do anything but ache. I wish I could tell them why I have to go and tell them how much I love them. This morning a few of the caregivers and teachers came to send us off. And some of the older kids woke up to the sound of the car starting. I sat with Danny in my lap until it was time to go and then hugged my friends goodbye with tear filled eyes. It was tough to look at all the kids faces. They just had so many questions in their eyes. And I just couldn’t keep the tears back when I saw them. I ruffled the hair of the boys and blew kisses to everyone there. Timothy, a 5 year old boy, called out to me right before we left and said, “Lisa, you Sunday come?” Oh, my heart hurt when I heard those words. I wish he knew how much I would love to come on Sunday. As soon as the car pulled out of the gate, I broke down. I couldn’t hold back the wave of tears. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. 

As I sat on the runway, thoughts just flooded my mind. The joys, pains, crying and laughter all rushed over me. As the plane took off down the runway I just couldn’t keep it down. I felt like a wave had rose up inside of me. A wave of feelings and memories. The wave just had to break through. I began to cry once again as the wheels lifted off of the ground I have called my home for the past 6 months. I blew a kiss out the window and talked to God about the past months. He gave me peace and put a thought in my head. If these kids can love me this much when I’ve only been their for a few short months. How much more does God love me? It’s hard to comprehend. I just hope I showed the kids how huge His love for each of them is. 

Aching Hearts

I just couldn’t keep it in. So, I cried as our van pulled out of the village school. Looking back at the crowd of parents, guardians or family of the new babies we had in our van, I could just see the painful tears coming from their eyes. Words cannot describe how much agony I saw in those faces. And I let my tears fall as well. The five girls stared out the window and wailed as they watched their familiar home slowly faded into the distance. 

The smallest girl is two months. Her mother died just 25 days after her birth and her father, a farmer, just couldn’t take care of her and work as well. We discovered this poor girl has pneumonia. She might have died if we hadn’t come to get her. We brought two girls about one and a half, back with us. The first one was being cared for by her mother. Her father became mentally ill after seeing his dad murdered in front of his eyes. So the mom couldn’t take care of all three of her daughters alone. The other girl that is the same age is the one I got to hold for some of the trip. Her and her sister came from a very poor family that had built their home on the side of the road because they had no property. They had three older sisters who went to live with their grandparents and these two girls came to us. The oldest girl we brought back is probably three and a half. Her dad picked up and left after she was born and then a year or so later her mom did the same thing leaving this girl to live with her grandpa. But he just couldn’t take care of her anymore. And this is how all five of these beautiful girls came to be with us. I’m sure they are overwhelmed with all these changes right now but I know that God brought them to BanglaHope for a reason. It’s hard for me to imagine what a parent must go through giving up their children. It must be an awful experience. These girls will cry a bit in the next few days, and the parents will feel pain as well. I just hope they can feel at peace with probably the hardest decision they had to make. 

This is Kylee.